Wow what a ride!

My Facebook status currently says, "I'm coming home, I'm coming home. Tell the world I'm coming home." it's been one helluva ride to say the least! 6 total countries in a little over 6 weeks! I've slept in 13 different beds in those weeks. I've been hosted by 5 families, most of which Iris and I had never met until they showed up to pick us up! I've spent over 5 days en route since I left Madison and it will be over 6 days by the time I get back. So I've spent almost a week of those 6 wks and change traveling! Lol what a ride huh?
To say I'm different because of this trip would be the understatement of the summer. When you constantly have no idea what's next, when yu are constantly at other people's mercy and grace, these only One you can depend on. This trip has successfully pushed me into My Father's arms. I have realized that in the end I have no control over anything. I cannot make one things happen, but I can ask my Almighty Father who is the creator of the universe to do anything.
It's hard to describe all that has happened in my life since I left Madison, but this is my attempt at debriefing.
I thin the hardest thing for me has been all the traveling. If I never have to get on another overcorwded bus/taxi where the windows don't work or I never have to get on another long distance bus it will be too soon! As much as I hated these events, they were a must. They taught me to look forward to the future and in the Christian walk that's exactly what we should always be doing. They also gave me time to think and process. I used this time to think about my life, my Savior, the work that He has given me to do, the future and relationships. I can't say the latter was always beneficial. In fact a lot of the time I was fighting with my mind and heart over these things and sorting out hurts. I don't know why people hurt other people, but I suppose it has something to do with selfishness and self-centeredness and in a lot of cases out right lostness. There are some relationships I still have not come to terms with. I still haven't completely forgiven them for their trepasses against me, though every day and sometimes hrs in the day I find myself fighting to find within myself the grace and mercy to forgive them. It's what I have to do, because I cannot refuse to forgive when my Gracious God has forgiven me so much. In this I have learned to ask God not to help me forgive but to be my forgiveness, to be my mercy, my compassion, my grace, to be all the things I cannot be, that I cannot find within myself.
I also hated the inconsistency. Being in so many different beds, so many different homes, living outta suitcase, constantly packing up and unpacking. I hated sharing a bed. I haven't slept a night through since I left Madison. I'm tired. But isnt this the kind of life that Jesus sent the disciples out to live? He told them not to even take a bag, but to depend on e kindness of strangers, brothers and sisters. I have to say that the hospitality if those we stayed with continues to amaze me. I made the comment once to someone that I felt these people had no choice because they were Christians. I later wondered if this was wrong, but it isn't. We are the body of Christ. It's our job to take care of each other. Even more so when we take people in, feed them, give them a roof over their heads, help provide for their needs, when we do these things we are really doing them to Christ. So then, would we deny Christ? And do we Really even have a choice? Most Christian Americans suck at this. We put people up in hotels instead of inviting them into our homes. We take them out to eat instead of preparing a meal for them and inviting them into our homes. But that's if we do anything at all. Typically we expect them to make their own arrangements. I cannot tell you how it felt knowing that you would get off a bus after 17 hrs and someone would be waiting for you. They would take your bags for you recognizing how tired you were. They would take you to their house, feed you or offer you tea. They would provide you with hot water to shower and give you a warm bed to sleep on, even if that meant they would sleep on a couch or a floor. I also cannot tell you how it felt when we arrived after 14 hrs and no one being there to pick you up, having to wait as it got dark and then having to make yur own arrangements. Not knowing what you would eat after having only a few snacks all day... This is a horrid feeling to say the least.
Even though I hated these things, I found God faithful in my whole trip. When I needed Him He came through. Sometimes He answered prayers I had only just breathed or subconsciously thought. Smetimes He made a way before we even knew it needed making. And the majority of e type He used His people to do it. My God is an awesome God!
My biggest fear now is that I would lose my first love. That some how I would go back to America and find myself being changed and influenced by my culture and well meaning Christians. I don't wanna be changed by them, I wanna be changed by Him. I wanna become a barbarian for Christ. (if you haven't read The Barbarian Way, heres where I tell you to buy it NOW and READ IT!) I have never wanted to be the average Joe, never wanted to be "normal" but now I see this not as want but necessity. People are dying without Jesus... Something has to be done and someone has to do it. It's about time that people read the new testament and realized that there's no such thing as a call to missions or a heart for local missions and a heart for foreign missions. Jesus said go into the world. Gods will is that NO ONE should die without Him.the only call is from Jesus for us to accept Him and His way. Once we have done this we have accepted the call to missions. I am not saying that we should all sell everything and give it to the poor, but we should be asking God if we should do it instead of assuming He would never ask us to. I'm also not saying that everyone should move overseas, but I think we should be asking God if He would have us to instead of just sitting in comfort. Everyone should be doing something to reach the people around them, but not just stopping there. They should be doing something to reach those across the seas and oceans. We have the resources to wipe out poverty in this generation... And we have the resources to preach the gospel to the world... So what are we doing? I don't believe that I will stand before God one day and He will be ashamed of me for selling out for Him, for becoming a barbarian for Him. But I think if I stood before Him next to someone I could've fed or clothed or hugged or loved... And I didn't... Then I will be ashamed... And I will wish I had done more. I don't wanna wish I had done more... And so I'm gonna choose a different path. A path that won't make sense to some (much like the paths of the greats of the bibles didn't make sense to others at the time) and I'm gonna run down it, as fast as I can! I'm going to run the race that God has set before me, because after all He's done for me, how could I not?
Here's to the next year of my life and the years to come! Here's to my God! He's to our future together! Here's to eternity with Him and all my brothers and sisters! Amen!

from Lesotho to QwaQwa

Lesotho was wonderful. it was peaceful and quiet. we played soccer with the kids and helped them with their Math. we climbed a very high mountain and looked out across the land. constantly i was reminded of how great and how good my God is.
today we are back in QwaQwa, going to visit Amanda's mom and grandmother on Monday. Thursday i leave to come home. it's all so crazy but i am very excited about all that God is teaching me and laying on my heart.
thanks for all the prayers! He has been listening and answering! He truly provides for our every need, even before we know that we need those things.
sorry for the short post, but internet is time and time is money! literally! lol
love you all! see you soon!

Great morning!

So excited! I justskyped with daddy and mom! They saw me and Isawthem and Zoe! It was fantastic! I miss them so much!
Made it to harrismith! Here with Amanda now anditsfrezing! During the day it's warm but u freeze at night. It's like a beast and u can't hide from it! Lol
Excited for the next few days. Will meetamandas family, go to Lesotho and hopefully we will make it to a gamereserveof some kind because I want to get pics. But we will see!
Godis working on my heart and my attitude. It's so easy to become ensnared in the traps of the devil! He just slips in before u know it and boom! The u r trapped and u just realize "crap! I've been stuck for days andi didn't know it!" that's when urealize all the signs...that devil is a tricky one!prayingGod will change my heart and attitude
Still so happy I saw mommy and daddy! Ahhh I miss them so much! Won't be long and I'll be with them again! Funny though it took 4 wks for this to happen! Haha

Pretoria

we hopped on a bus yesterday at 3pm and arrived here in Pretoria at 8:30am. If i never have to ride another long-distance bus again it will be too soon. 4 hrs i can handle, even 6 is ok, but overnighters and 12+ hrs... ugh! i didn't go to sleep until 2am and even then it was fitful sleep. i have a crink in my neck lol i find people on buses to be very inconsiderate (as Americans would think anyway) and almost brinking on rude. i think it's cultural difference too, but i couldn't help but feel resented by a lot of people on that bus. i haven't felt like that in quite some time.
really really really enjoyed my time in Zim with the Doyles. that family is awesome! i am praying that God rains down blessings on them and also that we get to spend time together again. i enjoyed my talks with both Sean and Kim. Both had plenty of advice and wisdom to hand down to me. i am pretty sure i will be looking into TEAM, the organization they are with, when i return home. they have a 1-2 yr committment and they are very good about placing you where you will work best. excited to see how those things go.
i keep thinking about home and for once i am excited to return. yes i'm missing everyone and i miss routine and my own bed, but more than that i am excited that God has given me something to do when i return. i have been talking through things with Kim and with others about care-packages for the migrant families in Madison. waiting to hear back from some people, but Kim and i were discussing the kinds of things to put in them and how it would work. i am super excited to start this when i return. also i am excited about the widows ministry that i am hoping to create. a ministry where younger widows, or younger people fix supper once a week and go to the home of a widow/widower to share a meal with them. i think one of the greatest hurdles for a widow to cross is loneliness and i don't know that this ever gets better. being able to help over a meal with this once a week, i think would be a very great thing. hoping not to just do this with one race but with many different ones. also, hoping to in some way reach older people who are housebound (either because they can no longer drive or because of illness) eventually but one thing at a time, eh?
God is still working in me, teaching me many things and opening doors for me. every where i go it seems someone has a message for me. i am always looking to see what it is He is trying to tell me. also it seems He is always sending "a Jay" to help us out. this is someone who seemingly comes out of nowhere right when we need it. i am always looking for these too :)
God has been so gracious and kind to us, taking care of our every need. i love Him so much... and His love for me continuely amazes me. looking forward to the future and His plans for me
pray for Iris, she is in bed sick. i don't know what's wrong with her, maybe a bad case of the flu, but pray for her healing.
thanks for all the continuous prayers, thoughts and kind words. love you all! 2 weeks and some change :)

Harare and Pretoria

i don't remember the last thing that i wrote, but i think maybe i was in Blantyre. well we made it to Harare and are thoroughly enjoying it here. it is freezing but the company is warm and inviting. Sean, Kim and Ethan are taking very good care of us. Last night we watched mcgyver and ate pizza. it was really great! i had never seen that show and thought it funny i watched my first episode in africa! sean and kim are very open to us and have been very patient as we have asked many questions about missions and life. both iris and i are trying to figure out where God would lead us next and they are been very helpful.
learning things everywhere i go. Mozambique border was horrible and my only comfort is that God says vengence is His. they refused to give us a transit visa and changed our info so it looked as if we were staying longer than we were. they did all this because they wanted us to pay $70 instead of $30. of course we were very angry and we kept asking why. the woman was very rude, refusing to answer our questions. we waited almost 2 hrs to get our visas. the other passengers on the bus were very upset with us.
zimbabwe was amazing though! they were so nice and welcoming :) it's been that way since we crossed the border.
thanking God for safe travels thus far and all His provisions. leaving tomorrow for Pretoria around 2pm. going to miss Kim and Sean's company and Ethan as well. praying God will bless them for their kindness.
missing everyone and excited about the next 17 days that are left of my trip. also excited about returning to the US and the plans God has for me there. fearful of being effected by culture when i return and also of losing my first love... when you pray remember me in these ways
love you guys!

lilongwe, blantyre then harere zimbabwe

just arrived in blantyre a little over a few hours ago. we had lunch and then came back to town. we are killing time until our host gets off work. iris's cousin had friends in lilongwe who had family here so we are staying and hopefully eating for free. tomorrow morning we are going to head to see Kim Doyle, you may know her from her, Sean (her husband) and their son Ethan being at Fellowship in early spring. they are going to host us so that we can break up the 30 hr bus ride from Malawi to Pretoria South Africa.
our time in Malawi has been interesting to say the least, but God is faithful and guiding. I am still learning! haha we were able to go to a Crisis Nursery yesterday. This place takes in infants whose mothers have died and their families do not have the money to buy formula. they keep them until they are old enough to eat porridge, somewhere around the age of 2. at this time, if someone in their family wants them back they are returned to their families or villages. if not they are put into an orphanage or foster care system. one boy came weighing less than 2 lbs. he has now made it up to 2lbs, but if i remember right he has HIV and his family does not want him back. please pray for him!
the experience was amazing for me. i absolutely loved playing with the babies. but this would not have happened had God not led us to stay at African Bible College and to a team led by a man name Mike from Witchataw Tx. thank you to God and Mike.
we also visited an orphanage ran by COTN. this was another great experience. and then we finally had a malawian meal in a malawian home :) it was wonderful! i ate waaaaaay too much
thank you for your prayers and continued support. cannot wait to return home and see you all. love you

Malawi

short blog, internet is slow and expensive. though i can justify this internet expense by saying that i am helping community projects :) lol
made it to Malawi yesterday morning by ferry. we found a nice place to stay and were very satisfied until today when we came up to another place to use the internet. this place seems more purposeful, cheaper and the owner is great. i don't think we will move unless we decide stay extra nights. things seem more expensive here and we struggle to be good stewards of the money God has given us, but at the same time rejoicing and giving him glory that he has allowed us to be blessed in so many ways.
if you ask what am i doing here i will have to say learning. God is teaching me so much here on my journey and it's hard to list or to tell all of the things, but right now prayer is at the top. prayer grows our faith and our dependence on him. we should pray more than we do anything else. this is vital. every where i go i feel God has some message for me. this is good because it helps me see i am where i am suppose to be. this is different for me because in the past i have gone to work but here it seems i am to learn not just work. thank you to those of you who invested in me and my future because you believe in me.
pray for my heart, my mind, my eyes and my hands. i want all of these to be in line with God's will. i love you guys as always. hope to share more at a later time. until then pray also for direction and safe journey as we are struggling to set our itinerary based on new information.
may God's will be done in my heart, in my mind, through my hands and feet as it is in Heaven. And because He has said that if we ask in Jesus's name we will be given it, I ask in the name of the one who bled for me, washed his blood over me, died for me, rose for me and sits at the right hand of God for me, in Jesus's name I pray! AMEN!
later! ;)